The Quotations Archive currently contains 1744 quotations.

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If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders.

-- Hal Abelson

When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.

-- Marcel Achard

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.

-- Dean Acheson

Everyone admits that love is wonderful and necessary, yet no one agrees on just what it is.

-- Diane Ackerman

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

-- Douglas Adams

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

-- Douglas Adams

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

-- Douglas Adams

The work of internal government has become the task of controlling the thousands of fifth-rate men.

-- Henry B. Adams

Thomas Jefferson--still surv...

-- John Adams, dying words

Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.

-- Mike Adams

My heart has joined the Thousand, for my friend stopped running today.

-- Richard Adams, Watership Down

Our children's children will hear a good story.

-- Richard Adams, Watership Down

"What a glorious morning for America."

-- Samuel Adams, said to John Hancock following a battle

As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2,400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats are dancing a conga line.

-- Scott Adams, creator of the comic strip "Dilbert," on the ending of competing strip "Calvin & Hobbes"

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.

-- Scott Adams

Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

-- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes.

-- Joseph Addison

All television is children's television.

-- Richard P. Adler

He that always gives way to others will end in having no principles of his own.

-- Aesop

We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified.

-- Aesop

Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats.

-- Howard Aiken

Marriage is more than four bare legs in a bed.

-- Hoshang N. Akhtar

Elegance of language may not be in the power of all of us; but simplicity and straight forwardness are. Write much as you would speak; speak as you think. If with your inferior, speak no coarser than usual; if with your superiors, no finer. Be what you say; and, within the rules of prudence, say what you are.

-- Alford

Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.

-- Alphonse Allais

Statistics have shown that mortality increases perceptibly in the military during wartime.

-- Alphonse Allais

A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.

-- Fred Allen

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

-- Fred Allen

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.

-- Fred Allen

I didn't accept it. I received it.

-- Richard Allen, National Security Advisor to President Reagan, explaining the $1000 in cash and two watches he was given by two Japanese journalists after he helped arrange a private interview for them with First Lady Nancy Reagan.

I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

-- Woody Allen

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it by not dying!

-- Woody Allen

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

-- Woody Allen

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

-- Woody Allen

Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

-- Woody Allen

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

-- Woody Allen

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

-- Woody Allen

The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.

-- Woody Allen

What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.

-- Woody Allen

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?

-- Woody Allen

Why are our days numbered and not, say lettered?

-- Woody Allen

The only thing you take with you when you're gone is what you leave behind.

-- John Allston

Whenever books are burned men also in the end are burned.

-- Heinrich Heine Almansor

There are three kinds of death in this world. There's heart death, there's brain death, and there's being off the network.

-- Guy Almes

If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing.

-- Kingsley Amis

There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.

-- Jeremy S. Anderson

If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded.

-- Maya Angelou

Whining is not only graceless, but can be dangerous. It can alert a brute that a victim is in the neighborhood.

-- Maya Angelou

Whining is not only graceless, but can be dangerous. It can alert a brute that a victim is in the neighborhood.

-- Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

If you don't double-click me, I can't do anything.

-- John Aniston, on how computers have taken over his life

We trained hard - but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we were reorganized. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing, and what a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while actually producing confusion, inefficiency, and demoralization.

-- Petronius Arbiter, 210 B.C.

Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.

-- Aristotle

The gods too are fond of a joke.

-- Aristotle

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.

-- Aristotle

Two more laser treatments and this is gone.

-- Tom Arnold, actor and comic, describing his plans for the "Rosanne" tattoo on his chest, 1995

In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes.

-- Elizabeth Ashley

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not "Eureka!", but "That's funny..."

-- Isaac Asimov

I married beneath me. All women do.

-- Lady Nancy Astor, attributed

An eye for an eye only leads to more blindness.

-- Margaret Atwood

My good intentions are completely lethal.

-- Margaret Atwood

Motivation will almost always beat mere talent.

-- Norman R. Augustine

Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.

-- Marcus Aurelius

How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.

-- Marcus Aurelius

It is always incomprehensible to a man that a woman should ever refuse an offer of marriage.

-- Jane Austen

Those who do not complain are never pitied.

-- Jane Austen