The Quotations Archive currently contains 1744 quotations.

Anonymous

A behaviorist is someone who pulls habits out of rats.

-- Anonymous

A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.

-- Anonymous

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. "What do you mean?" responded her mother. "Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another."

-- Anonymous

A real leader faces the music, even when he doesn't like the tune.

-- Anonymous

Adolescence is a period of rapid changes. Between the ages of 12 and 17, for example, a parent ages as much as 20 years.

-- Anonymous

All marriages are happy. It's living together afterwards that is difficult.

-- Anonymous

An economic forecaster is like a cross-eyed javelin thrower: they don't win many accuracy contests, but they keep the crowd's attention.

-- Anonymous

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family does too.

-- Anonymous

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

-- Anonymous

Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

-- Anonymous

Count your age with friends but not with years.

-- Anonymous

Despite the high cost of living it remains a popular item.

-- Anonymous

Don't anthropomorphize computers -- they hate it.

-- Anonymous

Don't trust anyone over 30 who used to say "Don't trust anyone over 30."

-- Anonymous

Every flower must grow through dirt.

-- Anonymous

Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do...but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.

-- Anonymous

Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend."

-- Anonymous

Guide to understanding a net.addict's day:
Slow day: didn't have much to do, so spent three hours on usenet.
Busy day: managed to work in three hours of usenet.
Bad day: barely squeezed in three hours of usenet.

-- Anonymous

He believes that marriage and a career don't mix. So after the wedding he plans to quit his job.

-- Anonymous

He early on let her know who is the boss. He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."

-- Anonymous

Here's to you and here's to me,
and I hope we never disagree.
But, if that should ever be,
to HELL with you, here's to ME!

-- Anonymous

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

-- Anonymous

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

-- Anonymous

If I promise to miss you.... will you go away?

-- Anonymous

If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee.

-- Anonymous

If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.

-- Anonymous

If it weren't for marriage, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.

-- Anonymous

If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

-- Anonymous

If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage. But this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and none dare criticize it.

-- Anonymous

Is it better for a woman to marry a man who loves her than a man she loves.

-- Anonymous

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. She's not marrying the best man.

-- Anonymous

Jealousy is the only vice that gives no pleasure.

-- Anonymous

Know her mind and you can have her body, know her heart and you have her soul.

-- Anonymous

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.

-- Anonymous

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

-- Anonymous

Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter.

-- Anonymous

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

-- Anonymous

Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...

-- Anonymous

Marriage is like a box of chocolates. You have to squeeze a few bottoms to make sure you like what you are getting.

-- Anonymous

Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.

-- Anonymous

Marriage is like a violin. After the music is over, you still have the strings.

-- Anonymous

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

-- Anonymous

Mary had a little lamb and the doctor fainted.

-- Anonymous

Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.

-- Anonymous

Most people are more comfortable with old problems than with new solutions.

-- Anonymous

Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

-- Anonymous

Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don't take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates...

-- Anonymous

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.

-- Anonymous

Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel they're entitled to a little fun first.

-- Anonymous

Some men are born with cold feet; some acquire cold feet; and some have cold feet thrust upon them.

-- Anonymous

Tact is the art of making guests feel at home when that's where you wish they were.

-- Anonymous

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

-- Anonymous

The best defense is a good offense.

-- Anonymous

The fate of love is that it always seems too little or too much.

-- Anonymous

The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but you still have to mow it.

-- Anonymous

The only weapon that becomes sharper with constant use is the tongue.

-- Anonymous

The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men don't mature. So you might as well marry a younger one.

-- Anonymous

The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.

-- Anonymous

There's nothing wrong with having nothing to say -- unless you insist on saying it.

-- Anonymous

They had a dispute about a night out with the boys. But he finally decided to let her go.

-- Anonymous

They have come up with a perfect understanding. He won't try to run her life, and he won't try to run his, either.

-- Anonymous

They're almost inseparable. Sometimes it takes ten people to separate them.

-- Anonymous

This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation.

-- Anonymous

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.

-- Anonymous

We always believe our first love is our last, and our last love our first.

-- Anonymous

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

-- Anonymous

We do not remember days; we remember moments.

-- Anonymous

Whenever you eliminate the inedible, whatever remains, however unpalatable, must be food.

-- Anonymous

Where am I going? And why am I in this HANDBASKET?

-- Anonymous

Wind is to fire like distance is to love; it extinguishes the small and enflames the great.

-- Anonymous

Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.

-- Anonymous

You can chase a butterfly all over the field and never catch it. But if you sit quietly in the grass it will come and sit on your shoulder.

-- Anonymous

You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose.

-- Anonymous

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive.

-- Anaïs Nin