The Quotations Archive currently contains 1744 quotations.

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Jake liked his women the way he liked his kiwi fruit: sweet yet tart, firm-fleshed yet yielding to the touch, and covered with short brown fuzzy hair.

-- Jonathan S. Haas

My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.

-- Buddy Hackett

I have read your book and much like it.

-- Moses Hadas, book reviewer

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

-- Moses Hadas, book reviewer

This book fills a much-needed gap.

-- Moses Hadas, book reviewer

I regret that I have but one life to give for my country.

-- Nathan Hale

Two souls with but a single thought,
Two hearts that beat as one.

-- Fredrich Halm

Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings, they gradually begin to seem mild harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's characters.

-- Margaret Halsey

If you are all wrapped up in yourself, you are overdressed

-- Kate Halverson

The more faithfully you listen to the voices within you, the better you will hear what is sounding outside.

-- Dag Hammarskjold

Cute little babies that fall out of swings - These are a few of my favourite things.

-- Oscar Hammerstein, working lyric for a piece from "The Sound of Music"

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.

-- Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts

Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin.

-- Grace Hansen

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

-- Lucille S. Harper

People need loving the most when they deserve it the least.

-- John Harrigan

Our schools have been scientifically designed to prevent over-education from happening. [...] The average American (should be) content with their humble role in life, because they're not tempted to think about any other role.

-- William Torrey Harris, U.S. Commissioner of Education, 1889

The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are one, and that one is Marxism.

-- Heidi Hartmann, The Unhappy Marriage of Marxism and Feminism

Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives.

-- Louise Hay

The story of a love is not important - what is important is that one is capable of love. It is perhaps the only glimpse we are permitted of eternity.

-- Helen Hayes

Prejudice is the child of ignorance.

-- William Hazlitt

Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock.

-- Ben Hecht

Beware of men on airplanes. The minute a man reaches thirty thousand feet, he immediately becomes consumed by distasteful sexual fantasies which involve doing uncomfortable things in those tiny toilets. These men should not be encouraged, their fantasies are sadly low-rent and unimaginative. Affect an aloof, cool demeanor as soon as any man tries to draw you out. Unless, of course, he's the pilot.

-- Cynthia Heimel

Never judge someone by who he's in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with the most appalling people. Take a cool, appraising glance at his pals.

-- Cynthia Heimel

When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.

-- Cynthia Heimel, "Lower Manhattan Survival Tactics" in Village Voice

Dieu me pardonnera. C'est son métier. Translation: God will forgive me. It's his job.

-- Heinrich Heine, dying words

Women and Cats will do as they please. Men and dogs had better get used to it.

-- Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love, Lazarus Long

Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football.

-- John Heisman

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

-- J. Heller

Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.

-- Joseph Heller, Catch 22

The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.

-- Joseph Heller, Catch-22

... there is wisdom in madness and strong probability of truth in all accusations, for people are complete, and everyone is capable of everything.

-- Joseph Heller, God Knows

The promises of maniacs, like those of women, are not safely relied upon.

-- Joseph Heller, God Knows

Only the little people pay taxes.

-- Leona Helmsley, hotel owner and prison inmate, 1989

When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.

-- Ernest Hemingway

We need a president who's fluent in at least one language.

-- Buck Henry

Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains or slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take but as for me; give me liberty or give me death!

-- Patrick Henry

Acting is the most minor of gifts and not a very high-class way to earn a living. After all, Shirley Temple could do it at the age of four.

-- Katharine Hepburn

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

-- Katharine Hepburn

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.

-- Katharine Hepburn

All is flux, nothing stays still.

-- Heraclitus

There is nothing permanent except change.

-- Heraclitus

Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.

-- Oliver Herford

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

-- Oliver Herford

Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.

-- John Heywood

Dew knot trussed yore spell chequer two fined awl yore mistakes.

-- Brendan Hills

Love is only the game that is not called on account of darkness.

-- M. Hirschfield

Seeing a murder on television can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.

-- Alfred Hitchcock

What luck for the rulers that men do not think.

-- Adolf Hitler

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

-- Bill Hoest

When you're away, I'm restless, lonely
Wretched, bored, dejected; only
here's the rub, my darling dear,
I feel the same when you are here.

-- Samuel Hoffenstein

Love is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.

-- Lisa Hoffman

It depends on your definition of asleep. They were not stretched out. They had their eyes closed. They were seated at their desks with their heads in a nodding position.

-- John Hogan, Commonwealth Edison Supervisor of News Information, responding to a charge by a Nuclear Regulatory Commission inspector that two Dresden Nuclear Plant operators were sleeping on the job

Hell is paved with good samaritans.

-- William M. Holden

They think they can make fuel from horse manure.... Now, I don't know if your car will be able to get 30 miles to the gallon, but it's sure gonna put a stop to siphoning.

-- Billie Holliday

Every calling is great when greatly pursued.

-- Oliver Wendell Holmes

Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions.

-- Oliver Wendell Holmes

If a thing is worth doing at all, it is worth doing badly.

-- Gustav Holst, on amateur music-making

There it was, hidden in alphabetical order.

-- Rita Holt

In the sciences, we are now uniquely privileged to sit side by side with the giants on whose shoulders we stand.

-- Gerald Holton

There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.

-- Homer, Odyssey, ninth century B.C.

Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt.

-- Herbert Hoover

There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomachs.

-- Barbara Howar

When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.

-- E. W. Howe

A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife.

-- Edgar Watson Howe

There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I don't know what it's a plan for.

-- Fred Hoyle

A man who marries a woman to educate her falls a victim to the same fallacy as the woman who marries a man to reform him.

-- Elbert Hubbard

Experience is the name every one gives his mistakes.

-- Elbert Hubbard

If pleasures are greatest in anticipation, just remember that this is also true of trouble.

-- Elbert Hubbard

Live truth instead of professing it.

-- Elbert Hubbard

The love we give away is the only love we keep.

-- Elbert Hubbard

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing that you will make one.

-- Ellen Hubbard

A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one.

-- Kin Hubbard

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

-- Kin Hubbard

And now, in keeping with Channel 40's policy of always bringing you the latest in blood and guts, in living color, you're about to see another first -- an attempted suicide.

-- Chris Hubbock, who shot herself during a broadcast

A man has to live with himself, and he should see to it that he always has good company.

-- Charles Evans Hughes

A compliment is like a kiss through a veil.

-- Victor Hugo

Life is the flower for which love is the honey.

-- Victor Hugo

There is one thing stronger than all the armies in the world; and that is an idea whose time has come.

-- Victor Hugo

Thought is the labour of the intellect, reverie is its pleasure.

-- Victor Hugo

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.

-- Hubert Humphrey

An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions.

-- Robert A. Humphrey

Sometimes we live no particular way but our own.
Sometimes we visit your country and live in your home.
Sometimes we ride on your horses, sometimes we walk alone.
Sometimes the songs that we sing are just songs of our own.

-- Robert Hunter, Eyes of the World

Love, I find, is like singing. Everybody can do enough to satisfy themselves, though it may not impress the neighbors as being very much.

-- Zora Neale Hurston

The death of democracy is not likely to be an assassination from ambush. It will be a slow extinction from apathy, indifference, and undernourishment.

-- Robert Hutchins, Great Books, 1954

After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.

-- Aldous Huxley

Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you.

-- Aldous Huxley

Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you.

-- Aldous Huxley

Experience teaches only the teachable.

-- Aldous Huxley

It is the customary fate of new truths to begin as heresies and to end as superstitions.

-- Aldous Huxley

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.

-- Aldous Huxley

Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like it or not.

-- Aldous Huxley

Silence is as full of potential wisdom and wit as the unhewn marble of a great sculpture.

-- Aldous Huxley

That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons that history has to teach.

-- Aldous Huxley

The charm of history and its enigmatic lesson consist in the fact that, from age to age, nothing changes and yet everything is completely different.

-- Aldous Huxley

If a little knowledge is dangerous, where is the man who has so much as to be out of danger?

-- Thomas Henry Huxley

Irrationally held truths may be more harmful than reasoned errors.

-- Thomas Henry Huxley

The great tragedy of science, the slaying of a beautiful theory by an ugly fact.

-- Thomas Henry Huxley

Love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly and without law, and must be plucked where it is found, and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration.

-- D. H. Lawrence