The Quotations Archive currently contains 1744 quotations.

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Marriage is a great institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

-- Marx Groucho, the film "Animal Crackers"

The best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it.

-- Shirley MacLaine

In a novel, the hero can lay ten girls and marry a virgin for the finish. In a movie, that is not allowed. The villain can lay anybody he wants, have as much fun and as he wants cheating, stealing, getting rich, and whipping servants. But you have to shoot him in the end.

-- Herman Mankiewicz

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me.

-- Dick Martin

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

-- Groucho Marx

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

-- Groucho Marx

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.

-- Groucho Marx

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

-- Groucho Marx

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

-- Jackie Mason

Love is what happens to men and women who don't know each other.

-- W. Somerset Maugham

Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands... but English women only hope to find in their butlers.

-- W. Somerset Maugham

In literature as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by others.

-- André Maurois

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

-- James Holt McGavran

Marriage was all a woman's idea and for man's acceptance of the pretty yoke, it becomes us to be grateful.

-- Phyllis McGinley

Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible.

-- Margaret Mead

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.

-- H. L. Mencken

Love is an emotion that is based on an opinion of women that is impossible for those who have had any experience with them.

-- H. L. Mencken

Love is the delusion that one man or woman differs from another.

-- H. L. Mencken

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

-- H. L. Mencken

Man is a natural polygamist. He always has one woman leading him by the nose and another hanging on to his coattails.

-- H. L. Mencken

Men have a much better time of it than women: for one thing they marry later, for another thing they die earlier.

-- H. L. Mencken

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

-- H. L. Mencken

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage, they are giving evidence at an inquest.

-- H. L. Mencken

Love cures people, both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.

-- Dr. Karl Menninger

A lover tries to stand in well with the pet dog of the house.

-- Moliere

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

-- Michel de Montaigne

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out.

-- Michel de Montaigne

Age does not protect you from love but love to some extent protects you from age.

-- Jeanne Moreau

If a relationship is to evolve, it must go through a series of endings.

-- Lisa Moriyama

A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life.

-- Christopher Morley

Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.

-- Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

The absolute yearning of one human body for another particular body and its indifference to substitutes is one of life's major mysteries.

-- Iris Murdoch